First let tell you a little about my self. I am father of 2 great daughters one is 6 and the oldest one is 10. My daughter that is 6 her mom we are married and doing great. But my other daughter that is 10 her mom and I split up when my daughter was born. I was lucky enough to get full custody of her since she was born. I have spent the last ten years of my life fighting to keep it that way. Either going in and out of family court or dealing with how all this mess effects my daughter. Don’t get me wrong it is well worth it. But the reason I have built this site is to give tips that I have learned threw out this whole process. That I wished I knew back then It would have help me out a whole lot. Just remember this the battle of child custody arrangements is a battle you have to deal with the whole time your kid is growing up!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This one is one of the most important things I can tell you. It has saved me many of times and you might laugh when I say this. Get yourself a notebook and write everything down. Family court gets very mean and nasty at times. Even if yours is not right now it will some time trust me. Dealing with a place you can walk into and they can tell you when and where to see your kids. Is a nightmare and it changes people sometimes. So even if you don’t think you need to do it anyways just in cause you need it some day!!! When you write in your notebook make sure date and time everything. I mean everything!!!!! When you pick up your kids or when your ex picks up the kids. Also when the come back. When you talk to the kids on the phone or when you have to talk to your ex and what was said. I can’t stress how much this helps you. This gives you court evidence of what happen and when it happen. When you go to court you can just give this notebook to your lawyer and he will set the case right up by this notebook. Also if your ex lies and says you did something that you didn’t do you can prove that in the notebook!!!!!!!!!!! Also get your self a guide to help threw the whole process going threw family court or child custody arrangements. This is the one that I used going threw it all http://custody8503.blogdrive.com
This is the one I wished I knew back then because it could have saved me a lot of time threw out the years. Family court basically comes down to what lawyer you got and what judge you got. You can control one of these. Most people can’t afford to hire a lawyer so they have to get a public defender. Which isn’t a bad thing these public defenders all the do every day is being in the court rooms so they have the knowledge. But here is the thing what you have to watch out for. There are public defenders that really don’t care about your case. They just want to get it done as quick as possible and move on to the next case. Then there are some really awesome ones out there that really care about what is going on and what is best for the kids. So don’t walk into family court blind do some research online or ask people who have been threw this before what is the best public defender in your county. Find 2 of them and write them down. When you go to court the first time the judge is going to ask you if you have a lawyer. In which you say no. Then he will ask if you want one and you say yes. He will give you the paper work to fill out for a public defender. You can ask the judge if you can get a certain public defender and 98 % of times they will give that one
This is where it gets really hard. I mean Everything You Go Threw. Your Kids go Threw It 5 Times As Hard!! So how do you keep them from getting hurt or confused when going through family court or custody arrangements. If anyone had this answer they would be a miracle worker all I can tell you is the stuff I have learned in 10 years. The first thing is the hardest one. Know matter how bad you hate your ex or get mad at your ex. Don’t show it in front of your kids the pick up on it instantly. Remember your a parent and their a parent of your child. No matter how bad they don’t act like a parent the kids never see it that way. I mean how do you feel when someone talks about your dad or mom badly. It confuse the hell out of them. I not saying to sugar coat everything because that don’t work either. I am saying tell them the truth don’t lie and don’t yell when telling them. I will give you a sample of what I talking about. Say my ex is suppose to be picking up our kid at 5:00 pm but don’t show. Around 7:30 pm she calls and says she has got caught up with her friends and won’t pick her up until tomorrow. Don’t start screaming at her because it don’t do anything good for you. Think if she really wanted to see her kid she would have been there right!!! She is to busy with her other life to really care about responiblities. You know that yelling at her about it is not going to help. SHE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE OVER NIGHT OR BY HAVING YOU YELLING IT TO HER. So take a breath and write it down in your notebook time, date it, and get ready to tell your kid. When telling your kid the news that their mom is not picking them up tonight tell them the truth don’t sugar coat it and don’t be mean about it too. I would say “Sorry honey but there is nothing I can do about it. But your mom is not picking you up tonight because she is out with her friends.” Don’t use your kids as pawns againist your ex because all you are doing is hurting the kids. You think your hurting your ex but you are really hurting the kids the most. The last thing I am going to tell you is about sugar coating everything for your kids and why it is not the way to go. Trust me I wished I knew this one because it is crazy at my house right now trying to adjust from this. When your kids are growing up through this life of custody arrangements that they are going to have to go through. If you are lying to them or being nice about stuff saying your ex can’t pick them up because they are working or very busy. When their actually out partying or hanging with friends in stead of doing their parenting duties. They going to grow up thinking that your ex isn’t doing nothing wrong because you are telling them it. What happens when you are playing nice as I call it and you think your ex is going to do the same when he or she has the kids. What if you telling them your ex is trying his or her hardest and then your ex is lying to them saying nothing but bad stuff to them about you. You are telling them your ex is a good person but your ex is telling them your doing nothing right. Your basically telling them to believe what your ex say and all your ex is saying is your a bad person. It gets flipped around on you. So watch out for it. It is better for them to know the truth and make up their own mind on the subject.
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